It’s not a terrible thing if you are inviting one person but not their partner(s). If anything, this is more common than ever as people have more intentional weddings (which often means a smaller guest count). The trick is to be clear on who’s invited so no one accidentally gets their feelings hurt. Use this template to help.
Want to download this for free? Here’s the Google Doc. You might also get value from my book.
Subject line: an update about our wedding
Dear [INSERT THE FIRST NAME OF THE PERSON YOU’RE INVITING]:
In a few weeks, you’ll be receiving a [INSERT IF IT’S A SAVE-THE-DATE or AN INVITE THAT THIS PERSON WILL BE RECEIVING IN A FEW WEEKS] to our wedding.
This will be addressed to you and not [INSERT THIS PERSON’S PARTNER(S)] as we kindly request that you do not bring a plus-one. You matter to us so we’d like to explain why we’re making this choice.
Our goal of our wedding is to [INSERT THE ONE-SENTENCE MISSION STATEMENT OF YOUR WEDDING — don’t know what that is? Use this]. To best achieve this goal, we’re keeping to a very limited headcount.
We understand that this choice may mean that you can’t attend our wedding. While this makes us sad (we want you to be there!), we understand if that’s the decision.
There is no expectation of a response to this message. We simply wanted to provide additional context on the [SAVE-THE-DATE or INVITE] before you receive it because our relationship is important to us. Thank you for your generosity and for your kindness as we make this decision.
Love [or the sign-off of your choice],
[INSERT YOU + YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST NAMES]
How do we send this?
First off, you do NOT need to send the above to everyone whom you and your partner aren’t allowing to bring a plus-one. That would be exhausting. Instead, only send this in the very limited (two? three? five?) situations where you or your partner feel the guest you are inviting deserves a touch more context.
As for how to send it, keep it simple. Probably do this via email though, if the conversation gets heated and/or personal, I highly recommend a phone call. It’s much easier to have human conversations when you can hear the other person’s tone of voice, don’t you think?
Remember to do this on the actual save-the-date and/or invite
The best way to avoid undue awkwardness on who is invited is to address any guest communication specifically to the guest(s) who is invited.
So, for example, if you are inviting one person in a household of four people, only address the save-the-date or invite to the one person you’re inviting. Avoid collective family names like “The Lopez-Harrison Family” or “The Tangs” unless all of the people in those collective families are, indeed, invited to the wedding.
Note to reader: Did you notice how much I use “our” and “we” in the above? That’s because it’s important to approach any decision about your wedding as a unit. The wedding industry, let alone other people, will try and isolate you but this wedding is a joint project. Treat it as such.