“When do we send save-the-dates or invites?” is one of the most popular questions I get as a professional wedding planner.
Which makes sense. Of course we want to know when we’re telling the people we love most in the world when to come to this major life event that we are hosting. Most wedding planning resources will give you a range of dates to send by but I’ve yet to see one that uses the trick I detail below, which I use myself all of the time at work.
Here’s a breakdown of the easiest way to figure out when to send wedding save-the-dates or invites, according to a wedding planner.
1. Check the contract(s) with the caterer(s).
Who are the people providing food and/or drink for the wedding? If those folks are businesses (vs. members of your own community), they will have deadlines listed in their contract on when you owe them a final headcount on how many people are eating and/or drinking what they’re providing.
That date is typically seven to 14 days before a wedding but occasionally, I’ve seen as far out as 30 days.
Why is that date so close to the wedding? Because food and/or beverage folks usually don’t buy the food and/or beverages until very close to the wedding so those items are fresh.
Is this person a member of your own community? They will still have a date in mind on when they need to know how many people they are providing food and/or beverages for. Ask them what this date is. Ideally, get that date in writing (even if “writing” is an email thread you all can refer back to).
2. Count back two weeks from that date. This is your “hey guests, please RSVP by now” date.
Let’s say that the caterer requires a final headcount by May 31. Two weeks before that date is May 17. This means that you will want all RSVPs due from your guests by May 17 (i.e. two weeks before the final headcount is due).
Why the two-week buffer? Because, regrettably, there will be guests who don’t RSVP no matter how loudly and frequently you and your partner shout that there’s a deadline. The two-week buffer gives you and your partner time to make the inevitable calls, follow-up texts, etc. to track down those RSVP responses.
Can that buffer be longer than two weeks? Of course! Sometimes people planning weddings want more than two weeks to track down RSVP responses. (Often, I see something like three to four weeks.)
How much time you give yourselves to track down errant RSVPs really comes down to you and your partner’s own capacity and what you know of your guest population (i.e. do you have a lot of people who aren’t great at doing things by a deadline? do you have a work project or trip that would make collecting RSVPs at a certain time particularly stressful?)
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3. Count back four weeks from the “RSVP by” date. This is your “last day we should send invites” date.
To continue the example from point 2, let’s say that your RSVP by date is May 17. Ideally, you will give guests at least four weeks between when you send them an invite and when you require them to RSVP. This means that your “last day we should send invites” date is April 17.
When you determine this date, double-check where it falls in relation to the 60-day out mark from your wedding. Sixty days out from your wedding is a major deadline as things really start cooking around 60 days (i.e. payments begin coming due, vendors start asking you questions, if a wedding is legally OK to host become true during a global pandemic, etc.).
If the “last day we should send invites” date falls after the 60-day out mark, move it up to either the exact day of the 60-day out mark or one to two days before. If the “last day we should send invites” date falls before the 60-day out mark, you’re A-OK. Technically, you could push that date out to land on the same day as the 60-day out mark but I believe in buffer wherever we can get it when planning a wedding.
Can we give our guests longer than four weeks to RSVP? Sure can! Sometimes people prefer to give five to eight weeks of time between when they send an invite and when they require an RSVP. Again, it primarily comes down to you and your partner’s personal bandwidth.
If rushing invites out the door to give people eight weeks to RSVP isn’t serving you two, don’t do it. Fewer weeks will be A-OK. The (very few and likely zero) guests who need answers earlier than that will find you. Trust me.
Does any of the above timing change if we do NOT send save-the-dates?
Yes. The timings below are most useful if you and your partner are sending save-the-dates, which are typically sent five to eight months before a wedding.
A save-the-date’s primary reason for existence is to get on people’s calendars so they don’t accidentally double-book. While some schools of thought will tell you to send save-the-dates even earlier (10 months! 12 months!), I find five to eight is a good fit unless your wedding requires a high percentage of international travel.
However, not everyone sends save-the-dates, which is not the mortal sin that many a wedding planning outlet will lead you to believe. If you and your partner aren’t sending save-the-dates, I recommend moving up when you send invites. You’d now aim to send invites five to six months before the wedding (vs. six to eight weeks before the wedding if you also send save-the-dates).
The same breakdown above will still be of use, particularly as you figure out when to ask for RSVPs back. I still recommend asking for RSVPs back four to six weeks after you send invites even if your wedding isn’t for many months; otherwise, even more people will forget to RSVP because there will be too much lag time between when they get the thing and when they need to do the thing.
That said, because you’re sending invites so much earlier than you would if you were also sending save-the-dates, it’s likely that you’re already tracking ahead of schedule as far as getting the final headcount together in time to tell your caterer(s) so it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to miss any key deadlines. Rock on!