Today is the one-year anniversary of my first wedding that COVID messed up.
I really try not to play favorites with my clients but damn, was this going to be a good wedding. Unfortunately, what neither of the brides nor I knew was that they had picked a truly unfortunate date for their wedding. It was March 21, 2020, and for those keeping track at home, that was right when the shit hit the fan for the pandemic in my city.
I’ll save you the churn and just share something that I wrote at the time, “[The couple] had to cancel and all I could give them were kind words, a refund, and a card that’s still sitting on my kitchen counter because I no longer regularly leave my house.”
Well, here we are now, a year later and I don’t want this bittersweet day to pass without some kind of acknowledgment. That’s why I asked my vendor friends to share their own stories with me. What was the first wedding that COVID messed up for them?
Here’s what they said.
Note: I offered vendors the option to be anonymous, which is why some names are given and some aren’t. I also lightly edited some of the responses for clarity and brevity.
Raven of YouAreRaven
Original wedding date: March 21, 2020
Original wedding location: Atlanta, Georgia
What do you remember about this wedding? [The couple] were two of the most positive and loving and lovely human beings I’ve interacted with. Getting to know them at their engagement session, through their wedding planning process, and now having been a part of their intimate park elopement with the plan to be a part of their anniversary celebration next year has shown me much of this couple.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make, moving their 150+ person wedding to an intimate park elopement with seven total in attendance. But they handled it with care and grace. Their families and friends showed an outpouring of love that I was able to witness just a sliver of. It brought me to tears multiple times.
The park [which was near the couple’s home] was full of sunbathers and people enjoying the completely glorious weather … The two were well-wished and smiled at as they went along, lost in each other’s smiles. They met back up with their people, including an attendant-turned-officiant for the occasion, and got everything set up to be broadcast live so their loved ones could enjoy.
The friends and family tuning in were all celebrating in their own ways from home, some in formalwear and some with champagne pours! The ceremony was full of important items incorporated from the larger wedding day plans. This including an heirloom tallit and the handmade string art that was to decorate the tables.
There were beautiful vows — and there was even a moment of bizarre levity as the ceremony was interrupted by a child on a scooter cutting through! (Ah, the unpredictable nature of public parks!)
Post-ceremony, the couple had everyone over to their home. There, everyone enjoyed toasts and food from Fox Bros. Catering! They closed the night in a way similar to what the big day’s plans had been anyway, just miniaturized.
This day was hands-down, one of the most meaningful and beautiful days I’ve ever been a part of. The whole day was full of laughter and tears of all kinds! Every moment was memorable for so many reasons. Their wedding was one I was so looking forward to, just to spend more time with these really fun human beings. I was so grateful to have been there.
How did this situation make you feel? Sad for them but also incredibly impressed with their resilience and flexibility and general positivity throughout the entire experience. The fact that they were married at the end of the day was the most important aspect to them. They and some of the guests who did attend work in the medical field so they all understood the situation and took it seriously.
What’s one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? I know it sucks but you can absolutely still have a lovely wedding, even if it’s not the one you pictured.
What’s one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story? Have compassion and stay flexible for your couples
Megan Stacey of The Gardens at HCP (Horticulture Centre of the Pacific)
Original wedding date: March 28, 2020
Original wedding location: Victoria, BC / WSÁNEĆ
What do you remember about this wedding? Everything was planned and ready, and it came crumbling down so fast. The floor plan was done, the timeline was done, it was going to be a midday outdoor ceremony with an afternoon spring garden party. It was only 50 people, which was considered a “small” wedding! We knew exactly which outlets and beams to use for the lighting installation, but we didn’t know the border [for Canada] would be closed and flights would be cancelled, preventing the bride from flying into Canada from Spain. They rescheduled to June (it was all going to be over in a few weeks or a month...), then to August, then cancelled. I didn’t even get to meet the bride.
How did this situation make you feel? I felt powerless, which was a brand-new feeling for me at work. I’m the one with the fanny pack, the clipboard, and all the answers. I’m the one the clients call when they need to be reassured that everything’s going to be fine. But I didn’t have any answers or power to fix anything.
What’s one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? Communicate! Even if you don’t have a plan yet, giving your vendors a bit of backstory will help us help you. When I learned that [the bride] wasn’t in the country yet and the border closure was the thing holding up all the plans, I didn't have to keeping checking in with [the groom]; I could just keep my eye on the border news.
What’s one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story? Communicate! Ask questions. Get the full picture. Clients are overwhelmed and they don’t what we need to know, what’s TMI, what information can help us help them. We have to guide the discussion.
Vendor #1
Original wedding date: May 1, 2020
Original wedding location: Olympia, Washington
What do you remember about this wedding? The couple was really excited and optimistic about COVID being over by the day of their wedding. We did a venue walkthrough around mid-March of 2020 and everything was supposed to move forward as planned. It wasn't until maybe mid-April that they decided to finally postpone — to July.
Then, when the summer progressed and things were what they were, they postponed to September. Of course, we all know what happened with that so they ended up finally deciding to do a micro-wedding on their September date to get officially married and postponing the big celebration to May 1 of this year. Fingers crossed vaccination rollouts happen as planned and they’re able to achieve that date this year. We shall see.
How did this situation make you feel? So, so sad and frustrated for the clients. Scared for me and my business. This wasn’t the only time this sort of situation happened, and I had to issue a lot of partial refunds for downsized and cancelled events last year. It’s happening this year again, too. My business has survived this long and I’ll make it through whatever comes this year as well but I’m tired.
What’s one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? Be optimistic, but realistic. If you’re looking at postponing, postpone further out than you really think you’ll need to so you don’t have to do it all over again. Work with your vendors and keep them in the loop on every decision you’re considering.
If at all possible, try to use as much of the service you paid for as you can so that 1) your vendors don’t have to issue refunds, even partial ones and 2) you get to celebrate in the fullest way possible, even if it doesn’t look quite the same as originally planned.
All of this really can be boiled down to one thing: Communicate openly, consistently, and empathetically with your vendors. They will do the same.
What's one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story?Remember that this whole thing has been so heartbreaking for so many couples. Put empathy first, and know that your couples aren’t doing any of this to make your life harder. This sucks for everyone, so be understanding, and have more patience than usual.
Get creative about what you can do for couples, especially when you can’t/won’t offer refunds. Make sure your couples feel 110 percent cared for, even if they aren’t getting the exact same service they originally paid for. And advocate for yourself, too. There are ways to help folks without compromising the health of your business, yourself, or your family.
Vendor #2
Original wedding date: May 2, 2020
Original wedding location: Los Angeles, California
What do you remember about this wedding? What I remember most is that although their wedding was the first one on my schedule after COVID hit, they were the last and most difficult to reschedule. We went around and around on new dates, trying to find one that worked for them and their whole vendor team and ultimately, they settled on a new date that worked best for them.
Unfortunately, not all of their vendors were available (though there were plenty of dates where we could have kept the full event team intact). It was a LOT of work to get this wedding postponed with many emails exchanged and a whole lot of Big Feelings managed.
How did this situation make you feel? It was SO stressful!! I kept checking in with them, waiting for them to realize that there was no way the wedding they had planned would be able to take place on their original date. I was scared. I knew I wouldn’t feel safe working the event if it was allowed to move forward and I also didn’t want to let them down by terminating their contract and my services due to that concern.
The rescheduling process was incredibly frustrating, mostly because of their choice to move to a date when not all of their vendors were available. Navigating the cancellation of vendor contracts and sourcing replacement vendors was tricky, fraught, and left us all with some icky feelings.
What’s one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? I would like couples to remember that vendors are all humans doing our best during a global pandemic, too! And that we are mostly very small businesses who depend on our wedding income to meet our basic needs. That we — like them — are also scared and worried for our own personal safety as well as that of our loved ones. And that we love what we do and we desperately want to get back to work!
And to please, please, please prioritize public health over your desire to have your wedding exactly as you envisioned on the date you planned. I’ve seen so many people — couples AND vendors — trying to skirt the rules in order to keep going, and while I completely empathize with both the feelings and finances involved in wanting that, it’s so very selfish and it only serves to extend restrictions as unsafe events become super spreaders.
What's one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story? To stop giving away their work to clients for free. When y’all don’t charge a rescheduling fee but I do, I look like the bad guy to my clients. Please stop it. Not just for me but also because it’s not good for your business! And I want you to stay in business because if you don’t, I’ll be scrambling to find your replacement for my clients and then I have to charge them for the extra work and then I’m an even worse bad guy in their eyes.
Also please don’t try to skirt the rules, restrictions, and health department guidelines. We ALL want to get back to work, but you’re contributing to the problem when you decide that you’re a special exception.
Ashley Lachney of Alston Mayger Events
Original wedding date: May 23, 2020
Original wedding location: Woodland, Washington
What do you remember about this wedding? I remember being frustrated with the venue owner’s lack of empathy/understanding of the situation. He’d gotten back from a trip just in time and lamented to me how this would hurt his business because “people were panicking” vs. having any compassion for the couple (or other wedding vendors).
How did this situation make you feel? Frustrated, uncertain, tumultuous.
What's one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? Your gut instinct with your wedding vendors is paramount in knowing what level of professionalism they will bring to interactions with you, with other vendors, and how they will “show up” for you on your wedding day.
These clients had booked this venue prior to bringing me onboard and signed paperwork even though they weren’t quite sure how everything was going to be taken care of. Never sign paperwork for something that is as big of a deal as your wedding day is unless you’re feeling 100 percent comfortable and your questions and concerns have all be answered/laid to rest.
What's one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story? While we’re all running businesses, I’ve always tried to remember and apply this saying to my interactions with clients and other humans: “People may forget transactions, cost, or even details, but they’ll never forget the way you made them FEEL.” We are a part of the village that bring celebrations of a couple’s love and story to life. Reducing a client to a transaction is just not the industry that we’re in.
Greg Soliven of Grate Company
Original wedding date: August 8, 2020 — My husband and I’s wedding!
Original wedding location: Portland, Oregon
What do you remember about this wedding? Everything. Constantly changing numbers, inside or outside, rentals, florals, catering. Canceling/postponing venues and finding alternatives. As stressful as it all was, this exact scenario is why we do what we do! I personally thrive under this kind of problem-solving stress so thankfully everything went as smoothly as it could have.
How did this situation make you feel? Frustrated but we knew that the most important thing was each other and that the other details really don’t matter in the end.
What's one thing you would like COUPLES currently planning a wedding to take away from this story? Enjoy the process, trust your vendors, ultimately know that even when/if/how things go wrong, you’re together. You have each other. That’s literally the most important and the entire reason for all this! Don’t lose focus.
What's one thing you would like VENDORS to take away from this story? Take problems like improv. Yes and — don’t get hung up on single or small problems. Delegate.