Are you going to a wedding show? Perhaps the show is using the unfortunately gendered terms “bridal show” or “bridal expo”? Are you not quite sure what to expect but at your wit’s end on how to actually plan a wedding in a way that’s affordable, efficient, and, dare I say it, fun?
Welcome in. I’m a professional wedding planner who once did the morally dubious thing of lying about her own engagement at a wedding show. While I don’t recommend this, I do have a few ideas on how you can make attending a wedding show work for you.
Limit (or skip) the entourage.
The thing about a wedding show is that you’re entering a space where everyone is going to have an opinion about your wedding. While this probably isn’t that unfamiliar if you’ve been engaged for, oh, more than a minute, a wedding show is a particularly easy place to mishear your own inner voice.
As such, I highly suggest only going with the person you’re marrying. If they’re not available, go alone.
Already sweating thinking about how you’re going to break that news to a certain Wedding VIP? Offer a compromise. Could you go an hour early and then have this person join you? The goal is to give you time and space to see how you and your partner feel about certain booths.
Approach this as a fact-finding mission.
It’s very tempting to go to a wedding show with a checklist ready and a checkbook open. I also find this is the quickest way to part with thousands of dollars that you’ll regret spending.
Of course, if you absolutely fall for a certain vendor, book ‘em. Also note that many of the “show only” deals that folks offer at these things actually extend for multiple days (and sometimes weeks) after the show ends. Get the deadline and then give yourself space — even just one night — to let the choice breath.
If you present as female, anticipate a lot of attention.
You know that song from “Dirty Dancing,” “Hungry Eyes”? It played on a loop in my head the first time I ever went to a wedding show. As I wrote at the time, I felt like a dollar sign with freshly shaved legs.
For anyone who presents as a female and is planning a wedding, this won’t be a new sensation. Vendors’ eyes, unfortunately, often stray to the person they presume is making the buying decisions (vs. attempting to include multiple parties in a conversation related to a marriage).
That kind of spotlight is uncomfortable, to say the least, and for some folks, it’s downright toxic. Do what you need to make this space work for you and if that means setting an alarm to take breaks, “only” going for 15 minutes, leaving the event and coming back, do it. It might not feel like it, but this show is for you. Act accordingly.
Believe in the power of “Thank you but I don’t know yet.”
Often, wedding shows turn into rapid fire question rounds that leave folks feeling even more behind than they already felt. Remember that the people in this room have a lot more experience planning weddings and sometimes forget that hey, maybe this isn’t your full-time job and that you have other interests in the world.
If a vendor asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to, it’s 100 percent OK to say that, no matter when you’re getting married. If they make you feel weird about it, they’re probably not the vendor for you.
Take a few interview questions with you.
This list is a good jumping off point.
Consider resources that aren’t wedding shows.
Unfortunately, wedding shows aren’t always safe spaces for folks who are BIPOC and/or LGBTQIA+ as well as folks who don’t have those lived experiences and also hate the Wedding Industrial Complex.
A safer resource can be online directories, particularly those that center underrepresented communities and/or prioritize business owners that use their business to create social change. Check out the directories at the bottom of this page for a few places to start.
Fun fact: Not all vendors do wedding shows.
Weddings shows are a big gamble for a small business owner as a booth requires a multi-day commitment and often costs several hundred or, as I recently saw, several thousand dollars. For those reasons — let alone all of the “doesn’t actually serve the people I want to serve” vibes of a wedding show — many vendors no longer go to them. I, for one, have only ever gone as a attendee; I’ve never bought a booth.
What are more efficient and easy ways to find wedding vendors? Hit those directories at the bottom of this page and/or ask folks you’ve already met and liked in the wedding industry whom they recommend. Also, Google! Online reviews can tell you a lot about a vendor just like they do any number of services out in the world.
I rent my Virgo wedding planner brain by the hour. Here’s how that could help you.
It’s OK to ask about money.
The main reason I went to a wedding show for the first time was because I couldn’t figure out what anyone charged in my industry. I did get those answers but alas, it’s still difficult to find information to get even face-to-face.
If you vibe with a certain vendor at an event, I encourage you to ask for some sense of pricing. One way to put this: “My partner and I are very interested in your work. We also want to respect your time so would you be able to share a range of prices given the details I've provided about the wedding?"
(Typically the most useful details: the venue(s) and the date. If either is TBD, totally cool. Offer your own range as vendors typically book based on distance from their home and the demand for the day.)
And for referrals.
If you meet someone at a wedding show but they’re not available on your date or not a good fit for another reason, ask them who they recommend.
This might seem like asking someone to support their competition but in the wedding industry, vendors often benefit from referring their coworkers (because those coworkers are more likely to refer them the next time they’re not available for a wedding).
No matter what: Remember your why.
If you haven’t already, figure out the why of your wedding. Then, take it with you. Write it on a Post-It. Write it on your hand. Write it on our phone. Do whatever you need to remember why you’re having this wedding and then use that why as your guiding star. It’ll help you navigate wedding planning, long after a single show.