15+ Words That We Can Use to Make Weddings More Inclusive, According to a Wedding Planner

Want a way to make the wedding industry more inclusive? A good place to start is language. What words do we use (or not use) to welcome people in to weddings?

I used my experience as a former journalist and a current wedding coordinator and consultant to put together a list of words that I often encounter in the wedding industry and their more welcoming alternatives.

This list is a living document. If you’ve got a word (or three!), please send it to me at elisabeth@elisabethkramer.com. I’m also in the process of swapping in these words in my own work so if you see a spot I need to do this, please let me know.

This list is also imperfect. Language is messy and, in many situations, I follow the lead of the client when it comes to how they refer to their event and their people. I simply share these as ideas as we continue to explore ways we can better celebrate love in the wedding industry.

I was inspired to write this story by three different people: 

All three have been educators at Altared, an organization I co-founded in February 2020 to improve the wedding industry.

Instead of using this word > Use this word instead

Couple > Client

This makes our work more inclusive of folks who are polyamorous. Another way to do this: Include a question like the one on my intake form. Copywriter Taylor de la Fuente of Bigmouth Copy offers more tips on this topic here.

Wedding > Event (depends on the situation)

This comes up most often if the client shares that they’ll be legally married before the event they’ve hired me for. Sometimes those folks like “wedding.” Sometimes it’s “vow renewal.” Sometimes it’s “event.” Sometimes it’s something I didn’t list here.

Walkthrough > Final tour

I explore this topic more in this article.

Bride and/or groom > Ask your client

Many alternatives exist such as using their first names and/or terms like “marrier,” broom,” and “partner.” Photographer Shannon Collins shares even more options here.

Bridal party > Wedding party

I’ve had people try and argue this one with me because I guess the word “groom” comes from “bridegroom” so if there’s a bride and groom, it’s technically a bridal party but, I mean, come on now. 

Save-the-date and invite > Guest communication or guest correspondence

Because not everyone sends a save-the-date and an invite.

Wedding dress, wedding suit, or any clothing terms that inherently denotes gender > Wedding attire

This one can open the most lovely conversations of all the ways we can dress ourselves to celebrate love.

Bridesmaid, groomsmen, mother of, father of, or any person-related term that inherently denotes gender > Wedding VIP

If my client proactively refers to these VIPs in a certain way, I follow their lead. Until then, it’s VIPs all the way down. Photographer Shannon Collins shares even more specific options here.

Rehearsal dinner > Rehearsal-related meal

Because it’s not always a dinner and it’s not always immediately after a rehearsal.

Bridal suite > Getting-ready room or, if no one is getting ready in that room, green room

Another one folks like to argue with me about.

First look > Couple or client photos (depends on the situation)

Some folks like to do photos together before the wedding ceremony but also got ready together so they’re not doing a “first look” in that nobody is surprising anybody with what they’ve got on.

Walk down the aisle > Proceed down the aisle or enter the ceremony

You know, because not everybody walks. Find additional ceremony processional options here.

Happy hour > Cocktail hour

Thank you to the client who taught me why equating “happy” with “alcohol” was hurtful.

Toasts, first dances, first bite, etc. > Reception programming

The best way I’ve found to make sure I’m not assuming a client is observing any particular “traditions.” I often present a menu of options for folks who don’t quite get what I mean when I say “reception programming.”

Honeymoon > Post-wedding happening(s)

A little clunky, I know, but “honeymoon” can be mired in shame around money so I avoid it unless someone’s told me they’re doing one.

Gender-neutral > Non-gendered

Comes up most with bathrooms in case we want to offer spaces that aren’t binary. I avoid “neutral” as that can imply a lack or void.

Got more questions? I rent my Virgo wedding planner brain by the hour. If you like what I wrote, an easy way to show me is to subscribe to my newsletter. Thanks for reading.