The U.S. wedding season has arrived with a vengeance.
Most often, I’m hearing this time referred to as “the wedding boom.” The phrase refers to a season of double, sometimes triple the volume of weddings as, the theory goes, people rush to host weddings in a world better protected against COVID.
Does anybody have actual data to back this up? Unfortunately, no (I’ve made no secret of how atrociously undersurveyed I think the wedding industry is) and personally, I don’t abide by the marketing tactic theory that “everyone is booked so couple, you’re screwed.”
However, based on what I’m hearing from my fellow wedding vendors, I do think something is going on — and it’s not good.
What is going on?
Here are the things I’ve been hearing from wedding vendors in the past month:
“I’m exhausted.”
“My body is broken.”
“I’m not sure I can do this.”
I’ve said the same things myself in my five years as a wedding planer. Blisters, dehydration, long hours come with the job.
What’s new is how early these things are being said and in what tone. It’s not even July and wedding vendors are completely exhausted.
Gone is the punch-drunk vibe of past summers. Instead, I’m getting “send help” texts and seeing bags under eyes. We’re overwhelmed and then feeling bad about being overwhelmed because shouldn’t we be grateful for an overbooked summer after last year’s terrifying scarcity?
Except, of course, none of us — inside or outside the wedding industry — are starting this summer at capacity. It doesn’t mean that we’re weak or out of shape or bad people. It’s just true. I don’t know about you but I’ve never lived through a global pandemic before. I imagine it’s had, oh, one or two impacts on my general well-being.
What I’m hearing as a result is extreme and overwhelming fatigue from both the couples who are planning weddings and the vendors who are working them, and I think it presents an interesting opportunity for both parties.
Why this can be good news
Perhaps my sounding the alarm and saying it doesn’t have to be bad is a surprise. Couples are emotionally, financially, and, if I may be so bold, spiritually drained.
Many have rescheduled multiple times and even if they haven’t, they’ve still been living on the see-saw of pandemic life and they’re over it. How could the news that their vendor teams are also totally wiped be good news for them?
It’s good news because a smart couple knows something very important that can save them a whole lot of pain: The way to win at wedding planning in 2021 is simple — be nice.
“You’re kidding”
I am most assuredly not. First, let me explain what a “nice client” is in the eyes of a wedding vendor. It is not, as you may imagine, someone who pays us the most money or has the biggest, fanciest wedding we’ve ever attended.
No, a nice client is a client who recognizes the power that they hold over a vendor. This client realizes that they are, in many ways, that person’s boss. They control the vendor’s financial security and, often, the long-term health of their business because of online reviews and referrals. Rather than let this power go to their head, a nice client treats their vendor like they would want to be treated by their own boss.
A nice client also trusts the people they’ve hired. When a vendor tells them, “Hey, I hear you but I promise, this can wait,” the client believes them. They may have follow-up questions — and a quality vendor holds space for this person’s concerns — but a nice client understands that they are dealing with a small business owner who is either the only employee on staff or desperately looking for help.
A nice client recognizes that it is in a vendor’s best interest to make them feel like they are their only client but that in reality, they are not and that’s a power dynamic that they, nice client, would never abuse.
“So, you’re telling me to be a doormat.”
No, I am telling you to be nice because if you are nice, you get a prize. In fact, you get two.
The first prize is the one we’re told we should care about most but actually don’t. It’s knowing that you’re a decent human being who abides by The Golden Rule. This is, obviously, great and, in a perfect world, it would be enough but the world is not perfect and we humans need different, more tangible prizes.
Which brings us to prize no. 2: Nice clients get better service.
Yes, it’s true and really, we knew this already, right? Have we never watched literally any period drama that involves a butler? This example is extreme but the principle holds: Wedding vendors are service workers, which means we both love to serve others and are used to not being served ourselves. Clients who change their behavior — who serve us, just a little — earn our undying loyalty and respect.
There will be exceptions. Fraud and bad service exist in the wedding industry just as they exist in every industry, but by and large, a wedding vendor is a heart-centered person. This is a person who has most likely willingly opted out of a more stable, better paid, less physically demanding job in order to stand for 12 hours in the blistering sun to help two people they will never see again get married.
Be nice to this person and you will be amazed at how nice they are to you.
So, what do I do with this information?
Thank your vendors. Write them an online review. If possible, tip them.
You don’t need to do any of this right now in this moment. Indeed, you likely need to tend to yourself before you tend to others. See: global trauma, etc., etc.
But when the time comes when you’re finding yourself frustrated, annoyed, even angry at someone you’ve hired, please consider what else might be going on not just with them but also with you. What are we afraid of? How is that fear motivating our actions? How can we reset and instead lead with empathy?
Doing this will not only make you feel better, it will endear you to the people you’ve hired. They will value that you see them not as the help but as fellow human beings trying to figure out what it means to survive a pandemic.