What are the unique, special, never-done-before things you can do at a wedding? Below are my go-tos as a wedding planner. If you’re curious as to why I’m qualified to write this article, please read the bio at the end of the story.
How I made this list
I tried very hard to make this list not like all of the other lists like this in the wedding industry. I did this by:
being intentional about various factors including the person’s lived experience (i.e. this list is not a bunch of people who look, live, or love like I do).
prioritizing services that readers can access no matter where they live since not everyone lives and works where I live and work (Oregon).
not accepting any money for including someone on this list. Several folks have affiliate programs; I didn’t take them up on those offers. Other people have previously asked to send me things for free; I only took one person up on this and it was before I knew better. I’ve noted where this happened below.
focusing on people who are one of very few people (and often, the only person) who offers this service. While yes, I know everyone of these people personally, that is not the reason why they are on this list (if that was the criteria, this list would include all of the amazing people I know who are wedding planners, DJs, florists, etc.). Instead, this list is specifically a list of people who do something unique in weddings. Often they are the only person I know of who does this cool thing.
only including people whom I feel confident will treat people in the way I would treat them, which is to say in a way that values and respects their individual lived experiences. I know this about the people on this list because I’ve worked with them before and seen them in action, they share their values on their wedding business websites, and/or I know them through Altared, a space for wedding vendors who want to change the wedding industry including diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility trainings for vendors.
All of the above doesn’t mean I didn’t get it wrong.
If you know someone who you think should have been on this list, I invite you to tell me about them.
I’m at elisabeth@elisabethkramer.com and would welcome information on who they are, what they do, and the best way I can learn more about their work.
Once I have that information, I’ll reach out to introduce myself because I am always looking to connect with cool people in this not-so-cool industry in case my things can be of value to their things.
And now, without further ado, enjoy! May this list bring you joy.
Cool things to WEAR
Maybe I’m biased because my husband and I got engaged in Japan, but I love Ayumi Makino’s work! She makes embroidery jewelry including earrings, flower crowns, headbands, combs, and really anything you can imagine.
Typically, she ships anywhere in the world but, as of publishing, she may not be able to ship to your area because of global events. Still, when in doubt, ask and for sure follow her work if you want to feast on beauty.
Tip from Beth: Ayumi sent me a sample of her work. I no longer accept samples from vendors as I don’t want them to feel beholden to me but at the time, I didn’t know better. For what it’s worth, the sprig of embroidered jasmine that Ayumi sent me remains one of my favorite items.
Ayumi’s embroidery jewelry
Website: oooayumiooo.com
Etsy: ayumiembroideryworks
Instagram: @ooayumimoo
I have very few regrets from my own wedding but one of them is that I didn’t know to look into custom clothing. I thought that it would be cost-prohibitive. It was only after I met Lei Bretón of House of Bretón that I realized the error of my ways.
Yes, custom clothing can have sticker shock but when you compare that to how expensive wedding clothes — and particularly wedding dresses — are in general and before you add in the cost of alterations, well, custom starts to be a good deal. This is true even if you don’t live where Lei lives (Indianapolis, Indiana); they serve people from all over.
I think you’ll also vibe with Lei’s ongoing work to make the wedding industry and particularly the wedding fashion industry a more inclusive, accepting, and joyful place.
Tip from Beth: Lei’s suits are next level. Just look what they wore to their own wedding.
Lei’s custom clothing
Website: thehouseofbreton.com
Instagram: @thehouseofbreton
Cool things to EAT
I’ve thrown out enough forgotten favors at the end of a wedding to know that I didn’t want to do the same at mine. This is why my husband and I opted for food as a favor, and specifically the small-batch honey of Lee Hedgemon over at The Barreled Bee.
Tip from Beth: Lee uses barrels that previously aged alcohol. For example, honey that was aged in a Pinot Gris port barrel. I did not think this would matter. It matters.
Lee’s barrel-aged honey
Website: thebarreledbee.com
Instagram: @thebarreledbee
Cool things to SMELL
I don’t mean flowers. I mean candles, and not the votives you might use for decorating. Candles are on this list because they make great gifts or favors. Also, as noted below, one of these folks offers candle-making workshops. That personally appeals to me a lot more as a wedding-related party activity than wearing a penis-shaped hat and taking Jello shots but hey, maybe that’s just me.
Amy’s soy candles
Website: vancefamilysoycandles.com
Instagram: @vancefamilysoycandles
Greg and Nate’s candles (and also their store!)
Website: thisisgrate.com
Instagram: @gratecompany
Store address: 412 SW 2nd Ave., Portland, Oregon 97204
Leslie’s candles and candle-making workshop
Website: yosoycandle.com
Instagram: @yosoycandle
Cool things to STARE AT
I learned about Amy Wike’s illustrations at the store opening for Grate Company and I was thrilled when I saw that she does weddings, too! Specifically, Amy makes illustrations of bouquets, which strikes me as a really nice way to preserve something that, by its very nature, isn’t easy to preserve. Bonus: She does wedding invites, too.
Amy’s bouquet illustrations
Website: amywikeillustration.com/weddings-and-bouquets
Instagram: @amy_wike
Cool things to DO TOGETHER AS A COUPLE BEFORE YOUR WEDDING
When my book was going through editing, the copyeditor encouraged me to remove mention of premarital counseling. She thought it would spook readers, which, to me, stinks of lingering stigma against talking openly about mental health and the deep rot in the wedding industry where we hyperventilate on the wedding but ignore the marriage.
Oops. Sorry. How did I get up on this soapbox?
Still, the point remains: It’s very hard to find counseling options for couples who don’t have anything actively “wrong” with their relationship but who, perhaps, just want to check in with each other before they undergo this huge transformational thing called “starting a marriage.”
These options often exist if a couple is getting married in a religious institution but something secular? Doris Fullgrabe’s premarital prep course at Your Love Profiles is the only thing like it that I’ve found in years of searching. I sure wish it had existed when my husband and I were engaged; we ended up having to go through a life coach, which was good but not nearly as customized to our specific needs.
Doris’s premarital prep course
Website: yourloveprofiles.com
If I had a nickel for every couple who told me “we just want a quick ceremony,” I would have a lot of nickels.
I think this desire comes from a fear of boring guests but unless you’ve got an hour-long Mass planned, they’re not going to be bored (and honestly, for the weddings I’ve done that have Mass, the guests seem totally fine because, I mean, it said as much right on the invite — they knew what to expect).
Asking for “just a quick ceremony” completely bypasses the one thing that makes your wedding more than just a party. Why not luxuriate a little longer in that sacred space? If you need help — and I know I did when I was planning — I recommend a vow writing workshop. Emily Sterling of Rooted & Wild is hosting virtual options throughout 2022.
Tip from Beth: My husband and I bought tickets to one of Emily’s vow writing workshops, and found it very helpful — particularly as a way for us to get on the same page so we could share what we wanted with the person who married us (my husband’s uncle). Our favorite question during the workshop? The one with the emojis.
Emily’s vow writing workshops
Website: rootedandwild.co/vow-writing-workshops
Instagram: @rootedandwildpdx
It took meeting Julie Comfort of The Experiential Wedding for me to learn the term “experience design,” and golly, has it changed how I think about my job.
The good news for couples is that Julie took all of her expertise as a professional experience designer and put it into an online course. It’s three 90-minute sessions with each session offering wedding-specific advice to help you develop a plan before your start putting down deposits.
Genius.
Julie’s experience design program
Website: theexperientialwedding.com/couples
Instagram: @theexperientialwedding
I had no idea you could make your own wedding bands until I became a wedding planner, and once I heard about it, I was like “Omg yes. This would be a living metaphor for making a marriage work.” Guess what? I was right! Fortunately, when the time came for my husband and I to make our wedding bands, we lived in the same city of one of the handful of metalsmiths who offer this service in the U.S.: Allison Ullmer of Ringed.
While Allison is based in Portland, Oregon, she works with couples from all over (and recently launched a service specifically made for out-of-towners).
Tip from Beth: During our engagement, my husband and I paid for one of Allison’s workshops and we loved it so much, I wrote about it for her blog.
Allison’s rings
Website: ringedpdx.com
Instagram: @ringedpdx
Cool things to HAVE OTHER PEOPLE MAKE FOR YOUR WEDDING
On the very short list of “things Beth wishes she would have considered for her wedding,” make a quilt is in the top three. I learned about Lori Mason’s work too late for me but not too late for you. Lori’s primary focus is to make memorial quilts (i.e. quilts made from the clothing and other fabric goods of someone who has died; also v. cool imo) but she does what she calls “special event quilts,” too.
People can make these lots of different ways: Use fabric from the attire they wore at their wedding, have their guests bring fabric to the ceremony and make the quilt after, make the quilt before and present it at the wedding, the options go on!
Lori’s quilts
Website: lorimasondesign.com
Instagram: @lorimasondesign
To be fair, I’ve never actually worked a wedding that had custom stickers which begs the question: How have I never worked a wedding that had custom stickers?! Perhaps the problem is that people don’t know this is a thing you can do. Thankfully, I crossed paths with Sticker Ninja when I hired them to make custom stickers for Altared. The process was easy, the turnaround time was fast, and the results were excellent.
Sticker Ninja’s stickers
Website: stickerninja.com
Instagram: @stickerninja
I’ve made no secret of my feels toward the word “etiquette” but please don’t let The Art of Etiquette’s business name dissuade you from seeing what they’ve got on offer.
The thing that caught my attention: the vow books. A place to put your most special feelings for the person you’re marrying is a need that many of my clients don’t know they have until very close to their wedding. To me, a vow book feels like a nice memento that also serves a purpose, a.k.a. my favorite type of wedding decor!
Owner Mellisa Trojak also offers guest books and anniversary books, as of interest.
Mellisa’s vow books
Website: theartofetiquette.com
Instagram: @theartofetiquette
Cool things to HAVE HAPPEN AT YOUR WEDDING
I’ve got a few things on my Wedding Planner Bucket List and one of them is “work a wedding that has live tarot readings.” Yes! This is a thing! It also works well for any pre-wedding celebrations.
Karli’s tarot readings
Website: cupofsugaragency.com
Instagram: @kpflows
Miranda Chen took her professional experience in fashion and turned it into How Heart Thou. You can do this before or after a wedding but Miranda also offers live sketching opportunities (i.e. you can hire her to be at your wedding to sketch). Also talk to her about wedding maps, cocktail menus, name card portraits, and digital calligraphy.
Miranda is based in San Francisco, California, but travels for work.
Miranda’s wedding portraits
Website: howheartthou.org
Instagram: @howheartthou
I’ve got a special place in my heart for people who take a personal passion and turn it into a way to help other people, and that’s exactly what Melinda Snow Olson of Setting the Table Rentals has done. I don’t have much of an eye for this kind of thing and even my jaw dropped when I saw what Melinda had on offer.
Setting the Table is based in Portland, Oregon, but if you really love what you see and want it wherever you are, reach out to Melinda. She’s a very helpful person!
Melinda’s vintage dishes
Website: settingthetablerentals.com
Instagram: @settingthetablerentals
Cool thing to DO TOGETHER AS A COUPLE AFTER YOUR WEDDING
I was dubious of The Newlywed Card Game from author, podcaster, and speaker Jen Glantz because I’m just a naturally dubious person who has been burned one too many times by the Wedding Industrial Complex BUT this card game delighted me. The questions are inclusive, thought-provoking, and a little bit sexy.
Here’s an example: “If you could describe our relationship as if it was a 4-course meal, what food items would we be and why?”
Another: “What have we stopped doing that you really miss?”
A third: “Everyone has their own unique scent. Describe the way the other person smells.”
Jen’s card game (and newsletter)
Website: jenglantz.thrivecart.com/the-newlywed-card-game
Newsletter: The First Years of Marriage
Cool things to READ
I’m a former magazine editor who loves a vendor who writes. Alas, I’ve found it extremely challenging to find wedding media outlets that aren’t gross. The same goes for wedding-related books. After years of searching, this is my current list:
Wedding media that doesn’t suck
The Budget Savvy Bride — While the gendered publication name leaves a lot to be desired, Budget Savvy is a solid outlet with a commitment to talking about something often ignored in weddings: THE MONEY PART OF IT. Full disclosure: Because of this reason, I write here.
Catalyst Wed Co. — While Catalyst stopped updating its content in 2020, the archives are extremely valuable. I’ve written for them and the former editor, Jen Siomacco, has been on my podcast. Jen also serves as an Altared Educator.
Insider — I write at Insider about weddings, which is why I mention it (not to promote my own work but because I didn’t know Insider covered weddings).
Offbeat Bride — Don’t let the gendered name fool you: Offbeat has some excellent recommendations and a solid directory of rad wedding vendors. Offbeat has re-published a piece of mine and the founder, Ariel Meadow Stallings, was on the first season of my podcast. Ariel’s also offering folks who read this article off Offbeat’s wedding planning spreadsheets if you use code 0ffbeatnewsletter (that first character is a zero and I do not get any kickback from this code).
A Practical Wedding — In my experience, people have very strong feelings about APW. They either love it or hate it, but I’ve always found the advice to be useful and at least trying to be not The Knot. It’s why I pitched them (and published a few pieces there).
Books
Elope Your Life: A Guide to Living Authentically and Unapologetically Starting With “I Do” — Author and Oregon wedding photographer Sam Starns uses her experience as a bride and a photographer to explore what it means to elope and how those lessons are applicable to all of wedding planning.
Mindfully Wed — This is an e-guide created by the Australian-based organization Less Stuff More Meaning. It’s a great place to start when considering how to be intentional and sustainable while planning a wedding.
Modern Etiquette Wedding Planner: The Essential Organizer to Make Your Day Special for Everyone — I wrote this!
The Wedding Roller Coaster — This book is by fellow wedding planner Leah Weinberg of Color Pop Events and offers great advice on how to make wedding planning work for —not against — you and your partner.
Cool places to GET EVEN MORE COOL IDEAS
We all know The Knot/WeddingWire but guess what? There are other directories out there featuring wedding vendors! Here are my go-tos:
Vendors of Color — Currently serving the Pacific Northwest and the Southwest in the U.S.
And for folks who are planning or working weddings in the Pacific Northwest…
I’ve got a whole other list just for you.
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Elisabeth “Beth” Kramer (she/her) is a wedding planner in Portland, Oregon, who’s fighting the Wedding Industrial Complex. Since starting her business in 2018, she’s worked more than 50 weddings including her own. These days, she regularly consults on and coordinates weddings.
A former magazine editor, Beth is the author of Modern Etiquette Wedding Planner, the host of the podcast The Teardown, and co-founder of Altared, a space for wedding vendors who want to change the wedding industry.
Learn more about her work by getting her newsletter.